Am I Watching Too Much Porn? (7 Min Read)

Many people and websites say that watching pornography is totally normal, even healthy. But what do you do when you feel like you’ve been watching too much porn? Do you feel like your porn use is getting out of your control? Surely something that is normal and healthy won’t make you feel guilty and ashamed, right?

If you’ve been dealing with any of these worries or feelings, you’ve come to the right place. It’s hard to find real reliable information about pornography on the internet, but here at Relay we’re committed to helping you truly understand the way porn works, and how you can be free from it.

If you feel like you’ve been watching too much porn, don’t freak out!

Due to its habit-forming nature, pornography can become something your brain will want to rely on for emotional regulation, dealing with stress, or finding an outlet for your sexual feelings. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to overcome!

In this article, we’ll talk about some of pornography’s effects, whether or not watching it is really bad for you, and how you can tell if you’ve really crossed the line into the too much territory. And, if you feel like you have, we’ll go over some steps you can take to change your lifestyle.

You deserve to live a life that’s happy and free from porn! And, as crazy as it sounds, you can do it! Trust us, being free from pornography feels amazing.

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Is Watching Too Much Porn Bad For Me?

To be frank, the answer is yes. Although there have been a handful of studies that seem to ‘prove’ that pornography can be used for good, anyone who has experienced compulsive (habitual or addictive) porn use can tell you: it’s powerfully, powerfully negative.

Why?

Porn is addictive. It was designed to be habit-forming. Everything from the website design to the video content has been created to hook your brain into wanting more. The people who create the porn you’ve been viewing don’t care about you, your sexuality, or your mental health. They simply want money from you.

How Will Watching Porn Affect Me?

This is also a yes. There are a host of studies showing that pornography affects the brain in significant ways. Watching too much porn costs your brain, your self-esteem, and your relationships. We’ve listed a few for you to consider, as you take a moment of honesty with yourself to think about your porn-viewing habits.

Isolation

If you’ve been watching a lot of pornography, you might notice a tendency to isolate yourself from your friends, family, and others who care about you. This might be to watch more porn, but it might just be because you can’t be bothered to interact with them. This can damage not only your relationships, but also your view of yourself.

Self-Esteem & Mental Health

If you’re consuming porn and feeling guilty about it, these feelings of guilt and shame can change how you see yourself, leading to lowered self-esteem.

Many people who struggle with pornography also suffer from mental illness. A change in self-esteem from chronic feelings of guilt can trigger the manifestation of mental health problems like anxiety, depression, or even obsessive-compulsive disorder as a way of coping with those negative feelings.

Lack of Trust in Relationships & Lowered Sexual Satisfaction

Have you ever lied when someone you care about has asked you about porn? This innate feeling that we need to hide our bad behavior is especially triggered by the secretive and sexual nature of pornography. This can cause a lack of trust in your relationships, especially if you allow yourself to give in to the temptation to lie about what you’ve been doing.

Honesty can be scary, but it’s always best.

Another effect of porn on relationships is a scary one: individuals who consumed more pornography reported lower overall sexual satisfaction from their own relationships. Men often compared their partner’s perceived attractiveness to the models they had watched in porn, and were less satisfied. Women compared their own reactions and behaviors to the porn they had watched, and felt pressure to perform differently than what was natural to them.

You can read a study on it here.

Am I Watching Too Much Porn?

If you’ve been wondering if you’re watching too much porn, wondering how much is too much, or wondering where the line is between normal and ‘too much’/dangerous, it’s time to take a step back and analyze your feelings and your behavior. Consider looking into online support groups if you feel like you’ve been watching too much porn.

Some Warning Signs to Look Out For

Since pornography ‘addiction’ is still considered a controversial topic in the mental health world, there is no strict list of boxes to check and find out if you have a problem or not. This list is more to help you think through whether or not you’re watching too much porn, and understand where that “too much” line is.

• Watching porn has become one of your highest priorities
• You find yourself watching porn more often, and for longer, than you planned
• You watch porn to deal with the stresses in your life instead of facing the issues themselves
• You’ve changed your behavior to watch more porn—skipping a meeting, being late to school, staying up way later than you wanted to, etc
• Watching porn is interfering with your relationships
• You’ve started spending more money on pornography
• You find yourself less interested in real partnered sex

No matter how many of these warning signs you’ve observed in your own life, if you’ve been feeling guilty about watching porn, or ashamed of how much porn you’ve been watching, then you’re watching too much.

What Do I Do if I’ve Been Watching Too Much Porn?

If you feel like you’re been watching too much porn, now is time to change your behavior so that you can live a life that aligns more with your values. We’ll go over some steps you can take to get started on the path to quitting porn. The key thing to remember is that you can do it, and that you’ll feel 100% better about yourself afterwards.

Getting Started

Before you try to stop cold turkey, there are some things to consider. Remember, first of all, that healing is not linear. If you’ve been watching too much porn, feeling guilty about your actions and ashamed of how you’re spending your time, you may have developed a pornography habit—or even an addiction. Addictions are much rarer than habits, but either of them will take time, work, and dedication to overcome.

Be kind to yourself as you do your best to limit your porn intake. There are plenty of resources available to help you as you move towards quitting.

1. Get Some Help

Since porn is such a sensitive topic, it’s in your best interest to discuss it with someone who has experience and knowledge in the area of porn recovery. Finding a therapist, a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist), or joining an online support group is a valuable first step. People like this can help hold you accountable to your goals, encourage you when you’re feeling like giving up, and help you celebrate your successes in a shame-free environment.

This link will take you to a page where you can easily find a therapist near you!

This link will take you to Relay’s own recovery program: a support-group-style app where you can join others who understand exactly what you’re going through, and then work on your recovery together as a team.

2. Commit to Change

Here’s the secret: you’ve got to want it. You’ve got to commit to change.

If watching too much porn has been affecting your life in a negative way — even if it’s just through a feeling of guilt—and you decide that you want to quit, you’ll need to take a moment and think about why. Having a clear goal in mind will help you to know how to best move forward.

For example, your goal/why might sound something like some of these:

• I want to be a better wife/husband/partner and prioritize my relationship
• I want to live my religion better
• I want to set a good example for my kids
• I want to be a good example for my friends and siblings
• I want to view people as individuals and get over any tendency I may have to objectify them

Quitting porn for the sake of quitting porn alone isn’t always enough. If you can decide on what motivates you, and keep that as your focus, you’ll have a better chance of making lasting change. Your therapist or Relay group can help you find your motivation if you’re struggling to identify a “why” that works for you.

3. Replace Negative with Positive

Another annoying thing about porn is that it just takes up a lot of time. If you can identify the times of day you usually feel the most desire to watch porn, and then schedule something else for yourself to do, you’ll have a much better chance of not watching porn than you would if you just sat around and tried not to watch it.

A good guideline to use is to take out the negative, and replace it with something positive. Try calling a friend, going for a walk, talking to your mom, or taking the time to cook something new. Spend this time away from your phone, tablet, or laptop.

One of the best things to replace time spent watching porn with is service. Take a look around you. Is the kitchen dirtier than your mom or your spouse wants it to be? Does your neighbor need a plate of cookies, or help in their yard? Does your sibling or roommate need a hand with their homework? When was the last time you called your grandparents? Is there a service project going on that you could join?

Porn causes us to look inwards, and fuels our natural tendency to be selfish. However, if we can replace the time we spend in negative behaviors like watching porn with positive things like helping the people we care about, we’ll be forced to get outside our isolation and connect with the people around us. This is one of the most effective ways to reduce your porn intake. Share your success with your Relay group!

Conclusion

Although it might seem intimidating to give up pornography, remember that you are capable of anything you put your mind to. Armed with a good “why” to motivate you, the right help, a commitment to change and replacing the negative with positive, you really can stop watching too much porn.

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