How To Help Someone With a Porn Addiction

If you find yourself in a situation where a friend or loved one is struggling with a pornography addiction, you might feel powerless and unsure how to help. Whether it's simply a bad habit or a real addiction, this is scary! It’s tricky to navigate the lines between being supportive and enabling, and being there for someone you love without putting your own mental and emotional health at risk.

In this article we’ll teach you the basic information you need to know about porn addiction, its warning signs, and help you learn how to help someone with porn addiction while still prioritizing your own peace of mind.

Though you may not be able to offer professional help, you can still be a support and a friend. Most of the time, that’s what your loved one will need.

A Note About Your Experience

Finding out that someone you love has been consuming pornography can be heartbreaking. Please do not put pressure on yourself to react in any certain way. Understand that your feelings, no matter how negative they might be, are valid, and will need to be addressed just as much as your loved one’s porn habit will.

Avoid being hard on yourself if you feel angry, hurt, confused, or even betrayed. Take time to process those feelings, and learn how to set healthy boundaries around conversations about porn addiction.

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What Is Pornography Addiction?

Porn addiction occurs when someone cannot stop looking at pornography, no matter how hard they try or how much they want to. As with any compulsive sexual behavior, it eventually reaches the point where a person's pornography consumption interferes with daily life, relationships, and even work and career.

Often, individuals feel a lot of shame surrounding their negative behaviors, and may be resistant to getting porn addiction help, even if it is needed. Do your best to be patient and understand that, often, the road to recovery may be long and difficult. But, if your loved one has opened up to you about their struggle, they’re moving in the right direction.

What Are The Signs of a Pornography Addiction?

Active addiction isn’t always easy to spot. Addiction generally involves high levels of guilt and shame, so people are not always forthcoming about their problems. Still, there are some warning signs that can indicate pornography is becoming a problem.

• You have caught them watching porn on various occasions.
• You have caught them in a lie about their pornography-watching habits.
• When you bring it up, they get defensive or lash out.
• They seem to have lost their sex drive or attraction. (You might only realize this if they are your significant other).
• They are neglecting their responsibilities.
• They are spending more and more time alone, especially in private settings.
• They are calling out of work regularly or increasing the number of times they are calling out of work.
• They are spending a lot of time or money on porn.
• The search histories on their devices are always empty.
• They continue to use porn regardless of any big consequences or porn addiction side effects, such as lost work or relationship problems.

If you notice these signs, and your loved one hasn’t spoken to you about their issue yet, it may be time to bring it up in a safe setting, in a calm, non-confrontational manner.

How Can I Help a Loved One Struggling With a Pornography Addiction?

Though there is no magic way to stop porn addiction, there are ways that your loved one can get help. It can start with you! Below are nine action items to help you support them in their time of need, and guide them towards porn addiction recovery.

1. Educate Yourself

The fact that you're reading this is a good sign. There are many misconceptions about porn addiction, so it is helpful to be armed with as much information as possible as you embark on this journey. Learn what you can about porn addiction and how to combat it.

Understanding the role of relationships and brain science in recovery can help you provide better support. To learn more, click here to access Relay’s Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Pornography.

2. Talk to Them

The conversation might be scary, but it will be worth it. You need to approach this issue firmly and honestly, considering your own feelings as well as theirs. Be gentle, but don't beat around the bush or mince words. Let them know you’re a safe person to talk about their struggles with.

Try "I" statements, like, "I am worried about you, and I'm concerned that you might have a problem with watching pornography. Is everything okay?" When they reply, listen.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

When someone you care about is struggling with addiction, it can be easy to forget your own needs. Setting boundaries in terms of what you're able to accept will be helpful to you as well as to them. Boundaries are not to control the behavior of another person, but to help your relationship with them to be as deeply positive as possible.

Take care of yourself and remember that you cannot cure them of their addiction; you can only be there to support them and guide them towards porn addiction treatment.

4. Encourage Them To Seek Treatment

The truth of the matter is that, no matter how supportive you are, your efforts cannot replace help from qualified professionals like a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist), or a recovery program.

The only recovery program that will let you and your loved one keep each other involved in the addiction recovery process is Relay. Relay combines the proven science of support groups with advice, curriculum, and mentorship from behavioral psychologists who have themselves overcome addiction. This will allow your loved one to connect with others who truly understand what they’re going through, allowing you to become more of a cheerleader than the lifeline they cling to with white knuckles.

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5. Listen

It can be hard to handle someone with addiction, especially if they are close to you. This is especially true for significant others.

Please try to be open-minded and listen to them as they talk about their problems. The more you can listen, the more you will be able to help them find appropriate porn addiction solutions.

6. Believe That They Can Change

People who suffer from addiction (of all kinds) generally feel fairly hopeless. Chances are, they have tried to quit multiple times without success. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that change is impossible, and unattainable. You’ll need to be proactive about helping them understand that they’re not broken, and that they can change.

Because of the social stigma associated with addiction and the additional social stigma associated with pornography, it's something people don't talk about. Let them know they aren't alone and they can heal through proper pornography addiction treatment.

7. Help Them To Find a Support Group

Talking to a group of people about a porn addiction might sound like a nightmare, but in reality, it is incredibly helpful. According to psychologist and CSAT, Chris Chandler, “people in groups heal better. Period.” Multiple studies have shown that individuals in support groups recover faster and more permanently than those who try to handle it on their own.

The best porn addiction support your loved one can get will be from a group of their peers, who can relate, understand, and offer timely advice. Relay allows users 24/7 access to their support groups. Not only does this help each user experience deeper recovery, it also takes a load off the shoulders of their loved ones.

8. Stick With Them Through the Tough Times

Though some people think quitting an addiction is as easy as going to a rehab center or getting help from a psychologist, it's really not that simple. Relapse is inevitable—it’s an important part of the recovery process.

Recovery for your loved one won't be a simple, linear process. Be there for them even when they fall, especially when they fall. Encourage them in their struggles and celebrate their victories.

9. Take Care of Yourself

It's common for those caring for addicts to become wrapped up in the struggle. Avoid codependency--remember that you are your own person. Though it is amazing and selfless that you are willing to help them, their problems are theirs. Not yours.

It's perfectly alright to only give what you are capable of giving. Be aware of the situation, and do not place yourself in danger.

In Conclusion

There is so much you can do to help a loved one, but the most important thing is to be there. Be a listening ear, and help support them as much as you’re capable.

Remember that porn addiction treatment often involves addressing underlying issues such as low self-esteem, intimacy problems, or unrealistic expectations about sex. Encourage your loved one to explore these aspects through counseling or psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or Relay.

And make sure to take care of yourself too. Taking care of someone with an addiction is not easy, but you can do it. By providing support, understanding, and access to proper treatment, you can play a crucial role in helping someone overcome their porn addiction and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling life that will be better for both of you.

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Sources:

How to Talk to Someone About Porn Addiction | SAGU

Pornography Statistics | Enough is Enough

Harmful Effects of Pornography | Fight The New Drug